Might I recommend what you could do with some “not so safe” scissors? You need to have someone there with you that either has physical or legal authority over “daddy” and you should NEVER be afraid of anything so trivial. I have been where you are now and let me just say that if you are afraid of how her father will react to her haircut, imagine what anxiety she must feel when he is around. I wish you lived near me…or do you??? I’M in Fresno, CA and I am more than happy to be available tomorrow to show up when “daddy” is scheduled to visit and serve him with a lovely court issued emergency restraining order that will keep him under the rock from which he obviously came -until you can get your head straight and realize that you just asked a public forum how to protect yourself and your 4 year old daughter from a major threat. I’m not saying you are a bad mother because hell, maybe you are truly limited but your job, the one you elected when you gave birth is to protect your child. You are failing. When it comes time for court and judges, custody and visitation (I AM JUST TELLING YOU THE TRUTH HERE, NOT TRYING TO ATTACK YOU SO PLEASE DON’T TAKE THIS AS HOSTILE) you will look worse than he will if you are willing allowing your child to be subjected to this. E can walk in and tell any judge (my X husband’s exact words) that yes, he was abusive, yes he was an addict, yes, everything that you are claiming is true BUT HE GOT HELP, and he will walk out of there with joint custody and unsupervised visitation. Again, I have no idea where you are and I hope that it isn’t written like right under your name as I type all this in Word, but please consider the following: CA has many org. like Victim Witness Services (not as extreme as the name sounds and you don’t have to have death threats or broken bones to obtain their services) which will help you FREE OF CHARGE—NO EXCUSES—- to file a restraining order against her father, or the one that I elected for and only because I thought it would show the court what they wanted to see, both that I believe a child has a right to a father no matter what capacity (I do not), and that I am willing to put myself out in order to provide an unbiased ground for the father to pursue a relationship with our child (if and or when he should decide he wants to) is a protective custody order which states that all visitation is to be supervised by assigned persons and in a public place. I knew he wouldn’t show up loaded if anyone else were around so he left us alone, for awhile. Good luck and forget the hair, perhaps it had nothing to do with your profession but rather the fact that she knows her father is coming tomorrow. I will apologize that I am unable to simply post a hairstyle suggestion to such a desperate question; but I am me.
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My four year old cut her hair about 4 months ago and it finally looks normal again. It is so normal for kids to try and cut their hair.
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Of course she needs to know she did something wrong though.
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I know this sucks. You shouldn't have to lie to her dad to keep her safe, but I realize that's the way it is sometimes. I would also report this incident to child protective services or the judge or a social worker…somebody that can take your statement ahead of time and perhaps check in on daddy and your little girl just to make sure they're safe.

If nothing else, maybe you could say that she got gum in her hair and you had to cut it out. I don't think that's as good of a solution, but it's a second option.

Whatever you do, make sure you get others involved in this situation so he doesn't think he's free to do whatever nasty stuff he wants. Also, maybe you could take pictures of your daughter before she leaves, just to make sure he doesn't get away with bruising her. A video camera with the date and time on it is best, but even just plain pics will go a long way towards giving you whatever proof you need if he harms her. If he does, I'd go for getting his butt brought up on charges.

I realize that facing him must be scary, but I know you want to do what's best for your daughter. Not letting him put blame on her would be about the best you can do while he still has visitation, but then again, a lawyer might have more info for you. Maybe you could call one who can help?

To you and your daughter, good luck. I wish you both safe.

PS: getting the cops to be in the area would be a good safety net. Most cops are sympathetic to the plights of abused kids. If one were to be watching when he came to pick her up, you'd have protection and a witness if he got nasty.
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1) Blame it to other kids(day care, school, anything)
2) Have your parents/friends or both when he comes by and be ready to call police.

If he can't understand what you have to say, you and your daughter can permanently ban him from both of your lives. See if he likes that.

After all, you and your daughter don't deserve such punishment or verbal abuse.

I hope things will get better for you and your daughter. Take care!
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